[in-si-kyoor]

in-se-cure [in-si-kyoor]

"subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured."

"not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger."

Insecurities. It amazes me and yet fiercely frustrates me that certain, if not all, insecurities stick with you throughout your life. Well, maybe not all of life, but at 23 years of age, for me they are all of life.  And how do they always surface at the most inopportune times?!  


Feeling insecure...is that part of being authentic?


Judges 6 tells us that Gideon had his own insecurities and God still used him to lead 300 men into battle against a bazillion-man army that had completely taken over and destroyed the region.  A simple man who was called by God, who first had to make God prove himself a few times before finally following God's commands by the way, who did something great.


"God wants to do something in your life that only He can take credit for and will provide encouragement to help you overcome your insecurities so that you can fulfill His calling." - Dan Pride

[God.  Be great in me.  Encourage my insecurities to flee.  Attract my eyes and heart to new perspectives.]

messy RELATIONships

Just wanted to share this article from Relevant Magazine: Maintaining Messy Relationships

FAITH is

"Faith is living like God tells the truth. Faith is walking like the person He made me to be. Faith is trusting Him to come through."

God is doing some serious work in me in the faith department currently (the living, speaking, breathing, trusting, experiencing, etc).

I had to share this quote that (thanks to Heather Myers for sharing it with me) blew my mind today.

More thoughts and feelings to come.

That's all for now.

"yesterday, today, tomorrow"

I can't tell you how many times I've opened this "compose" window to start blogging over the past few weeks. I can't tell you how many times I've just closed it without typing a word. It's frustrating for me when I have a million and one ideas, thoughts, visions, dreams, feelings, etc. jumping around inside of my head and heart and no matter how sincere the effort, I just cannot get them to come out of me.

So until I can get my thoughts and feelings sorted out, I wanted to share this blog from Steven Furtick. I feel it is a good starting point for what's to come (or so I think). Steven is the lead pastor at Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I've been following his teaching, congregation, and worship experiences over the last several months and have been so inspired, moved, and excited about what God is doing with him and his congregation and how the Spirit has just been moving down there. I've also been reading through his book, Sun Stand Still, which I highly recommend to any and all believers of Jesus Christ who want more, desire a deeper connection, and who wants to see the impossible possible. Mmm, so good.

Enjoy and be blessed.

---thomas

There’s a lot of different strategies that the enemy uses to get us off track in our walk with God. But I think one of the enemy’s greatest tactics is a sequence I call, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Here’s how it works. The enemy gets you to think about your past, present, and future in these three ways:
Yesterday – Remember when.
Today – Live for now.
Tomorrow – Do it later.

The enemy wants to keep us stuck in yesterday. And so the way the he talks to us is by saying, “remember when.” In other words, the enemy comes to you and tries to get you stuck in yesterday’s memories. Dependent on yesterday’s successes. Reminded of yesterday’s failures.

Or the enemy will get you stuck in today. He’ll tell you: “live for now.” It’s all about present pleasure and satisfaction. Like Esau, the enemy will get you to sell your birthright for a bowl of beans. Trade something far better later for something inferior now. Maybe it’s by having sex before marriage. Or selling out on your God-given dream because there’s an easier path you can take right now.

And then there’s tomorrow. The enemy will tell you to live for now, but when it comes to the great things God wants you to do, he urges you to “do it later.” Delay your obedience.

If you’re not careful, you can easily fall prey to this yesterday, today, and tomorrow sequence. And your growth in God and what He has for you will be paralyzed.

Here’s how I think God wants to flip the script and have you look at it from an eternal perspective:
Yesterday – Remember who.
Today – Live for later.
Tomorrow – Do it now.

Whereas the enemy says “remember when” about your past, God says, “remember who.” Don’t stay stuck in yesterday’s success. Instead look at yesterday’s success and remember the God who gave you yesterday’s success. Or who can help you overcome yesterday’s failure. Take David’s cue and recall God’s past faithfulness so you can forge on into your future endeavors.

For the last two elements of the sequence, rearrange the enemy’s thinking. Where the enemy says “live for now, do it later,” God’s says “live for later, do it now.” Instead of living for the moment that you can see and the pleasures that you can touch, live in the present with a visionary mindset about your choices, realizing that your present bad decisions affect your future possibilities.

And instead of deferring obedience, obey now. Don’t live in the land of lofty aspirations. Whatever God tells you to do, do it. Immediately.

Refuse to look at yesterday, today, and tomorrow from the enemy’s perspective. As often as you have to, tell yourself:
Remember who (not when). Live for later (not now). Do it now (not later).

Right memory. Visionary mindset. Immediate obedience.
Yesterday. Today. And tomorrow

- Steven Furtick (Lead Pastor of Elevation Church, Charlotte NC)

burden of (non)beauty

I'm sitting in a both at the local McAlister's. I seem to find myself here when I either a) have nothing else to do or b) need to be around people, without being around people. If that even makes sense. Either way, my head and heart have been heavy with feelings that I just don't want to feel anymore, with thoughts that I don't want to replay anymore. I finished my usual sandwich of choice [the great smoky pepper jack turkey panini] and decided to scan the RELEVANT website. This is the article that caught my eye.

The Heavy Yoke of Beauty

Before any assumptions are formed; no, I do not have an eating disorder, regardless of my popcicle stick figure. So don't worry. But lately I have been flooded with thoughts, feelings, doubts, fears, etc. surrounding the physical appearance of...me.

Where I am right now in life, in my faith learning, in my current maturity status, in the relational status...it's not all sunshine, plaid, and TOMS. It's hard! Every day I struggle with this thought, "why would I be attractive?" I have a Savior, I have the Spirit within me, I know. But does that account for anything in our culture? I see other people...tall...perfect smile...pieces of paper showing how accomplished they are. And I see me. No height. No perfect smile. No paper. And that daily thought begins to turn into, "why would she be attracted to me?" Being a pursuer of 23 years, it's hard not to think this way.

And I know there are those of you who will jump to encourage me, and I love you for that. But unfortunately the power of one negative comment outweighs the strength of ten positive ones. Folks who consistently point out the less than perfect traits I have. Negative. Reminding me of my relational status. I'm really not that slow. I'm pretty sure I know I don't have a significant other. Negative.

But back to this article. In some odd way, reading this public confession and knowing that thousands of eyes could and would see it, I felt a strange sense of strength in my struggles. And then 1 Peter 3:3-4 was laid out in front of me.

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

So this is going to take some work. In keeping with this search for authenticity, I needed to confess that I'm struggling. I know that my physical appearance holds no value in the Kingdom of Heaven. But in the here and now, the outward beauty bank seems to be in whatever the opposite of a recession is.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for your unspoken encouragement.

With inward love,

---thomas

Draw Near

"Biblically speaking, no worship leader, pastor, band, or song will ever bring us close to God. We can't shout, dance, or prophesy our way into God's presence. Worship itself cannot lead us into God's presence. Only Jesus himself can bring us into God's presence, and he has done it through a single sacrifice that will never be repeated - only joyfully recounted and trusted in.

We need to remember that our access to God is not based on last week's performance, today's practices, or tomorrow's potential. Rather, we're accepted 'in the Beloved' (Ephesians 1:6) and need have no fear of rejection as we come before God's throne."

-Bob Kauflin, "Worship Matters"

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experiencing the Love

"When you've experienced the resurrected Jesus, the mystery hidden in the fabric of creation, you can't help but talk about him. You've tapped into the joy that fills the entire universe, and so naturally you want others to meet this God. This is a God worth telling people about.

This is the problem with some Gods - you don't know if they're good, so why tell others a story that isn't working for you?

Witnessing, evangelizing, sharing your faith - when you realize that God has retold your story, you are free to passionately, urgently, compellingly tell the story because you've stepped into a whole new life and you're moved and inspired to share it. When your God is love, and you have experienced this love in flesh and blood, here and now, then you are free from guilt and fear and the terrifying, haunting, ominous voice that whispers over your shoulder, 'You're not doing enough.' The voice that insists God is, in the end, a slave driver.

Have nothing to do with that God."

-Rob Bell, "Love Wins"

I stumbled through this section of Rob Bell's newest book (Love Wins) tonight and something about these words caught my heart off guard. Questions began to flood my mind, such as, "Thomas, have you really experienced the love that was embodied in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ? If so, why aren't you sharing more, or doing more, or experiencing more? You know God is good, yes? Really? You really do? Then why don't your thoughts reflect even a portion of that goodness?"

I don't doubt Jesus Christ's redeeming, saving, rescuing, sacrificial love, nor do I doubt God's goodness. But the desire for, for lack of a better phrase, a "God experience" is urgently knocking on my heart's door. And not just a personal encounter, but a corporate encounter. The desire to praise and petition with my brothers and sisters has practically overwhelmed me sitting here on the other side of this computer screen.

I pray against "busyness" for the sake of staying busy and against all distractions that tend to follow. I pray for a new, yet profoundly old experience and encounter of God the Father, personally and corporately. I pray against complacency and apathy because I do care and I am only worthy because You've breathed into my lungs. Abba Father; I belong to You.

in love and search for authenticity,

---thomas