snowed...In

Snowed in and disconnected from the world. At least, that's what it has felt like. From nine o'clock this morning until about thirty minutes ago, I've been trying to find things to do to keep myself occupied. I've watched several movies thanks to Netflix, I've shoveled about 800lbs worth of snow, I gave Elizabeth (my guitar) an early Christmas present; new strings, and continue to ask myself, "Ok, what now Thomas?"

So I decided to pick up the acoustic and work on some music, but that quickly lost my attention when a song started playing from Rhapsody. "We Crown You" by Fee. The chorus goes...

"King of Kings and God of grace (we crown You, we crown You)
Our Redeemer strong to save (we crown You, we crown You)
High and holy lifted up, there is none more worthy Lord
We crown You Lord of all"

While the melody is extremely catchy, the part that caught my attention was when the female vocals came in with a soul piercing, "we crown You, we crown You." I sat in awe and amazement at how it took a simple three word refrain to make me realize how complicated I've made things.

My prayer for the past six months has gone something like this; "God, I want to seek You and You alone. I long for a life of authenticity and a heart of purity. I know I will never be a man until I'm the man of God that You created me to be." So I began asking God to help me adjust my schedule, because I knew I needed time for myself and time for us in order for this life and heart to grow. The first few months were good and sweet. The past month, however, has been everything but. I've run upon so many struggles like finances with bills and debt, as well as struggles with my mind and heart. As fast as I ran upon them, I found myself running away from myself and the much prayed for "us time." Why? Because I have more faith in these struggles than I do in myself. I know myself, I really do. I know what I can handle and what I can't. And I knew that I couldn't handle alone time with these problems hanging over my head.

And now I'm back to these lyrics; "we crown You, we crown You". I constantly preach this idea to the congregation, to my band family, and to my friends. And that's where it stays, "we." We crown You, Lord. We find our strength in You. We give our lives to You. And I realized that I have more faith in my struggles than in myself because I've accepted that I can do all these things as long as there's a "we" involved.

So Lord...

"I crown You, I crown You"

---Thomas